Pariah | Muse

Every lover girl needs a friend that gets the ick easily. Hear me out- the duo balances each other out.

When your nature is to give love regardless of the vessel or return, it helps to have a discerning eye to help  direct that love. There’s nothing wrong with deciding who is worthy of the unadulterated care you give. That’s your energy, your gift, and you must use it accordingly to avoid burnout. 

This doesn’t mean that you treat the ones who don’t deserve it with malice. It means that you build a dam- only the overflow gets through. Think of it as healthy leakage. 

This is a skill that takes practice, hence the friend with the ick. My own discernment hasn’t always been airtight, so sometimes it took the people who love me to say “…girl…no”. It’s hard to take direction from others that aren’t as openly loving as you, because following such direction feels unnatural. It feels selfish and… wrong. But it’s one of the best ways to protect yourself.

But please… only use this method if the people around you are trustworthy and free from envy. This is so important. 

Others around you may pick up on things about potential connections that you tend to overlook due to your open nature. Being a lover girl, unfortunately, can come with an air of vulnerability and naivety that makes identifying and navigating other’s motives difficult. When my loved ones say “no”, I step back and look inwardly and outwardly. (But I don’t just take their immediate word for it. Having your own mind is also important). 

I check to see if I’m truly fulfilled by the connection I’m chancing. I analyze my emotional state when I’m with said person, and then I try to look at reality for what it is, rather than a vast lovescape. And if I happen to find that any emotional need is lacking- get ready for this- 

I communicate.

A true lover girl never ghosts a connection;  that’s law. To avoid confusion, resentment, and lack of closure, we close the chapter. Or we mend broken bridges. We respect ourselves enough to let our souls rest- we respect others enough to let theirs rest, too. Nothing should be left unsaid. 

And on the flip side, that communication can help you, the lover girl, grow too. Talking can help you identify your own insecurities and shortcomings. A simple conversation, as aforementioned, can be the difference between resentment and resolution. 

In short… Being a true lover girl takes work… time. Trial and error are crucial to your growth. Those discerning friends can help build your backbone. 

But, as I’ve said, remember to keep your own wits about you. Deep down, you know what’s right. You know where your love belongs. Listen to your heart, too