Pariah | Muse

I-

…

No shade, but I thought we all knew this at this big age. The dating pool is pure piss at this point and the bar is in the uttermost pit of hell. What happened to our standards? What happened to courting? What happened to fun dates, interest in character and bonds not layered in sexual trauma? Chile, I’m so disappointed. 

But not exempt. 

In your younger twenties, lust is easy to fall for. The throes of passion are exciting and new, and… dangerous. Especially for the lover girl. I spoke to a friend over drinks a long time ago, about the physicalities of relationships, and how deceptive the nature of living with sexual prowess was. I explained to him, from a woman’s perspective, the feeling of this deception. Watching a pretty, prim and “honest” face vanish after sex is traumatizing, and I have a past with that very same face. It hurts, having such real care for a man, just to watch him go cold after getting what he schemed for in the first place- sex. 

Men, if you’re reading this, understand… this happens so much more than y’all would like to account for. It’s not a one way street… but there sure is a lot of traffic on y’all’s side. 

He looked at me for a long, long time and finally asked, “can I be real with you?”. 

Of course my answer was yes. 

He continued… “You’re one of the sweetest people I know, and you didn’t deserve that. But most men ain’t sh*t… I mean neither are women but that’s besides the point right now. An unhealed man is lustful, so you have to discern better, especially if you’re saying you’re looking for love. That’s a woman’s problem, thinking just because she gave a man her body that he’s going to give her his heart”. 

I stopped him there, interrupting in my notoriously hotheaded fashion, arguing that men shouldn’t lie for sex in the first place! I gave him hell for a good 60 seconds while he sat there and chuckled in the annoyingly lovable way only he could. When I finished, he reiterated: 

“ Of course you’re right, but like I said, men ain’t shit. Stop giving your body away until you know…. And you’ll know. When a man loves you, you’ll know. He won’t come up off you, sex or not. A man that loves you won’t push, he’ll wait, and earn”.

And he was right. 

It’s embarrassing, looking back at the frustration I carried with me before that revelation. “An unhealed man is lustful”… I’ve never looked back since. My love is not for the taking until a man is full… It’s forever. So it’s on me to protect the asset the unhealed man loves most. 

As much as it hurts to admit, he was right. I have the choice. I have the discernment. And so do you. We know what we deserve.