Pariah | Muse

*I do not own this artwork*

It’s so hard to pull back on love sometimes, especially when you know someone needs it. 

I meannn, this is coming from someone who psychoanalyzes the villain of the story to try to pinpoint where love could have saved the day… So if this doesn’t interest you, see you next post. I understand that victimizing the villain isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I understand my delusion. 

But I call it… empathy. As extreme as it is.

As I’ve said, I understand my delusion behind this way of thinking. I understand that sometimes the villain really is… just the villain, whether they really need love or not. No amount of studying someone’s past or behaviors can change that, not by my own behavior around the issue, anyway. Some villains aren’t capable of receiving, and that hurts my heart. 

Even the villain’s hurt stems from somewhere, and I yearn to heal those parts of people. I can only hope for the villain to feel seen, for once, and find hope in the understanding that I bring to the table. Again, delusional… keep up with me. 

But how much love is too much? Even I don’t know that; I don’t know that boundary. I see hurt souls and feel an abundance of love and nurture… trauma? Maybe. Real love? Absolutely. Of course, this comes at an extreme detriment to my own emotions and equilibrium. Some souls embrace and take (extreme) advantage… others push away and spit venom. Very few embrace and change. 

I’m aware of the start where I feel like an asset, and the end, where I feel like a burden or misused tool… the grey area is where I become lost. The grey area is what I can never distinguish when I paint out my love for others. When others’ emotions and actions and words blur together and somehow become inauthentic and shallow… when my love becomes too much. 

I don’t think I’ll ever learn.